


i'll be whatever you like

by alexanger



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-02-07 11:41:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12840405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexanger/pseuds/alexanger
Summary: alex, eliza and john discuss their total power exchange. this takes place in the we're okay verse.





	i'll be whatever you like

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zipperkitten](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zipperkitten/gifts).



Usually, Alex is a bundle of energy, a wriggly, fidgety mess when he’s concentrating. Usually, Eliza is serene, still, composed. Today they seem to have traded. Alex sits mostly still, rocking back and forth a little as he listens intently, while Eliza kicks her heel against the leg of the sofa and wrings her hands.

    “This isn’t legally binding,” John says, tapping the pad on his knee with the pen in his left hand. “No one can really _enforce_ any of this, cause, you know, that’s kinda fucked up. It’s mostly just a list of boundaries, things we want, things we don’t want, et cetera, et cetera. It’s gonna be different for each of you but I think we could start with a couple broad ones first - mostly consent, I guess? Like, when and where is sexual stuff okay, and under what circumstances.”

    “Anytime, anywhere,” says Alex, but Eliza shakes her head.

    “Not if any of us are drunk,” she says. “No waking each other up with sex, either.”

    John looks slightly disappointed, but makes a note. “No wake up blow jobs. Got it.”

    Alex makes a soft noise. “I want you to choose when to use me -”

    “This is why I thought this was a bad idea. Alex, pretty boy, hey,” Eliza says, turning to him. “You’re the only one who gets to choose. It’s your body, your rules.”

    “But if John is in charge -”

    “I don’t choose when you consent,” John says firmly.

    “I want you to,” says Alex.

    “No,” John tells him. “Hard no. If you can’t consent, we can’t do this.”

    Alex whines and wriggles a little. Eliza puts a hand on his knee and says, “Alex, I’m starting to feel a little uncomfortable with this whole thing if this is what’s going on for you. I don’t want you feeling like you _have_ to give up your choices.”

    “Giving up my choices is the _point_ of this,” Alex says. “That’s kind of in the name - total power exchange. Total. All of it.”

    “Baby girl,” John says, “you’re allowed to change your mind. Even if you’re giving me all of your choices, you always have the final say.”

    “Is this going to be safe?” Eliza asks. She talks over Alex’s head as though he isn’t there. It makes him feel small and safe and warm, being diminished to something to take care of.

    “If we can get him to understand exactly what this actually means, I think so,” says John.

    “Do you understand,” says Eliza, “that you _always_ have to choose when it comes to consent? If John tells you to do something and you don’t want to, you tell him no. That will always be respected.”

    Alex hums. “I’m allowed?”

    “Baby, can I give you an order right now?” asks John. Alex nods, and John continues, “if I tell you to do something and you decide it’s not the right thing for you to do, you have to tell me no. That’s not negotiable.”

    Alex huffs, then grunts his understanding. “I guess,” he mutters. He’s doing his best to be surly and uncooperative, but inside he can’t help a little surge of relief. This, obedience, is what he does - well, worst. He’s awful at it. But at least there’s that familiar feeling of sinking down into the safety and warmth of becoming an object. This he can do.

    “Other hard nos,” says John. “No permanent body modification without an out-of-space talk about it. That means I won’t ask you to get any tattoos or permanent piercings.”

    “He doesn’t like play piercing either,” says Eliza.

    “I’m not the hugest fan of it myself, to be honest. So we’ll add that to our no list as well. Permanent modification also includes stuff like branding or scarring -”

    Eliza cringes. Alex feels his eyes go wide.

    “No,” says John.

    Alex pouts.

    “No public play - I’m not gonna, like, put you on a leash and parade you around the neighbourhood. Not gonna ask either of you to collar up to go to the mall or whatever. I want this to stay in private space as much as possible.”

    “But total power exchange -” Alex starts.

    “Hold on, hold on,” says Eliza. “I’m starting to get a little uncomfortable with giving you _everything._ I like making my own choices.”

    “Fair,” says John.

    “Permanent Dom/sub sounds good, but I don’t want to give you everything. That’s just me, of course - I know Alex is excited about this.”

    Alex was, in fact, the one who had initially brought it up. He’d done his research beforehand - as with everything else he went a little harder on it than was probably really necessary, spending days poring over personal accounts of total power exchanges, reading the horror stories, digging with delight into essays from happy subs. He’d spent what felt like a million years on sites like Fetlife just basking in the feeling of secondhand subservience, and when he’d brought it up one night, snuggled between John and Eliza, John had immediately been sold on it. Of course, both of them had unleashed their inner lawyer, and then Eliza had gone into full mom mode, and of course they couldn’t just jump into it - a power exchange, Alex had explained, delighted to be the one with all the knowledge, was a huge decision. Something that had to be made very carefully. All the options had to be weighed first, which meant lots of talking.

    (Lots of talking about _him,_ specifically. Talking and attention, his two favourite things!)

    So: A contract, and a lengthy discussion about terms and yeses and nos and how the stoplight consent model could work if it were to be used day to day rather than just for play.

    The no list was already half formed before the three of them even sat down. Alex looks at it, reading the list of John’s firm nos - no fetishization of residual limb, nothing unsanitary, no disregarding a call of red even as a roleplay scenario - and feels himself growing bored. He knew, from the beginning, that the majority of this talk would centre on things they _wouldn’t_ be doing, but he’s starting to feel restless. That feeling of being totally captured is gone and he finds himself getting up to pace.

    “Alex, sit down,” says Eliza. “We’re nowhere near done and you’re the one who wanted to do this.”

    “Okay,” says Alex, but he wanders to the fridge and grabs himself a Monster instead.

    “Alex,” John echoes. He’s using his Dom voice, that hint of danger that makes Alex shiver all along his spine. “Sit down.”

    He can’t help obeying. He crosses to the couch and perches on the edge.

    “That’s too many Monsters today,” says John.

    Alex makes eye contact and cracks it open. “Oops,” he says.

    John opens his mouth, then closes it and hums through his nose. “I’m not going to get into this right now,” he says. “We’re negotiating things still and you aren’t going to pull me into a scene while this is unfinished.”

    Alex whines.

    “No,” says Eliza. “You get away with way too much. Why do we keep indulging you? I’ll never understand it.” Her tone is gentle and Alex can hear the smile in her voice. He reaches over and takes her hand and squeezes it.

    “ ‘Cause you love me,” he says.

    “I don’t know why, but I do love you,” Eliza agrees.

    “So day to day choices,” says John.

    “All of them are yours.” Alex taps his teeth on the lip of his can and adds, “like, seriously, I’d be perfectly happy with you just choosing everything for me from now on. If you want to choose my clothes, go for it. If you want to choose my meals, fair game. Anything you can think of. When I sleep, how long I sleep - fuck it, if you want to choose how I breathe, I’d be fine with that.”

    “And you know that if that changes, you just need to call yellow,” says John. “Or, if you want me to stop entirely, you call red. And I’ll never push you on that. I don’t even need to know why. You have all the power.”

    “I don’t want any power,” Alex says.

    John grins. “Too bad. You know, technically, the sub is always the one with the power. At least, that’s how it should be. You’re allowing this to happen and the second you don’t want it, it stops.”

    “It also stops if _you_ don’t want it,” Eliza points out. “It goes both ways.”

    “That’s not the point right now, though. The point is Alex knowing he can say no -”

    “What if I don’t want to say no to you anymore?” Alex asks.

    “Then this doesn’t happen, because you need to be able to be in control enough to consent.” John tosses the pad of paper onto the coffee table and twirls the pen in his left hand. “This isn’t really showing me you understand just what we’re getting ourselves into.”

    “I know exactly what we’re getting into here. Please don’t condescend to me,” says Alex.

    “I’m not trying to be condescending, baby girl,” John tells him. “I just need to make sure this is safe for you.”

    “How do I convince you that I know what I’m doing? Like, I get that you’re worried and I appreciate it,” Alex says, “but I’m an adult, and this is something I know I want to do.”

    John is silent for a long moment. “Maybe we should revisit the rest of our no list and then come back to the power exchange? I think I need to just … mull it over for a while.”

    “Sounds like a good idea,” says Eliza. “I have one to add. Listen, this one is important for me - I know Alex loves being told he’s a piece of shit or whatever, but I can’t do that. I need gentle domination, nothing too rough or too aggressive.”

    “So just praise?” John asks.

    “Not even praise, you know? Just no degradation.” Eliza pauses, then adds, “too much praise feels - you know - it feels fake. Just be real with me.”

    John picks the pad of paper back up and scribbles down _Don’t be shitty to Eliza._ “Cool. I can definitely remember that one. Anything else?” he asks.

    “I don’t like competition. Don’t make me and Alex try to one up each other or be more obedient, because that makes me feel inferior and I don’t like it,” says Eliza.

    “Like I’d be obedient, ever,” says Alex.

    “Yes, we know that you’re a little shit and we’re all very impressed,” John drawls.

    “One more thing,” Eliza says.

    “Yeah?” Alex asks. John leans forward a little and puts his elbows on his knees.

    “I don’t want to feel like an afterthought,” she says. “And sometimes - I do. You two go so far back -”

    “Not much further back than you and I,” Alex cuts in. “And you and I have been together longer -”

    “Then why does it sometimes feel like I’m on the outside and you two are just -” She pauses, takes a breath, and continues, “I feel unimportant a lot. Like an afterthought. Like when Alex had his surgery and I’d come home from work and neither of you would tell me about your day - no, I know that’s selfish of me,” she says, glancing at Alex, who looks about ready to burst with words. “I know you were recovering, and that I was working, but I still felt so on the outside, you know? And I sometimes still feel less important in this relationship. I want to fix that. And it’s a good time, I guess, ‘cause we’re already talking about what’s important for us moving forward, right?”

    “I didn’t know you felt that way, angel,” John says. He reaches over from the armchair he’s sitting in to put a hand on Eliza’s knee. “I’m sorry.”

    “I’m sorry too.” Alex leans his head against Eliza’s shoulder and kisses the side of her neck.

    “It’s not really as simple as like, we’re sorry, now it’s fixed. I’ve been feeling this for a while,” she says. “But I know it’s fixable. Otherwise I wouldn’t be bringing this up.”

    “So let’s take more time to make you feel special,” John says, writing down notes on the pad. “What kind of stuff do you want us to do?”

    “Just talk to me more, ask me more questions, give me a little more time,” says Eliza. “We could start by finishing this up and spending the rest of the night just cuddling or something.”

    “Cool. Good idea,” says John. “Alex? Thoughts?”

    “Are we doing the TPE or nah?” he asks.

    “Have you ever once in your life relaxed?” Eliza asks, but she’s smiling.

    “Sure, we can do the thing,” says John. “But it ends if consent gets weird, okay? Like if I think you’re having trouble saying no, it stops immediately. Okay?”

    “Deal,” says Alex. “Eliza? You want to pick something to watch and we can just snuggle? You can be in the middle when we sleep tonight if you’d like.”

    “We’re watching something cheesy and romantic, and one of you is gonna rub my back, because I deserve it,” Eliza says. “And yeah, I think I’d like to be in the middle tonight, if that’s okay.”

    John gets up out of the armchair and settles beside Eliza on the couch. He and Alex fold around her and she relaxes into the space between them, sighing heavily. John kisses the top of her head and rubs her back while Alex puts his head in her lap and kisses her belly.

    “I can’t reach the TV remote this way,” she says, after a moment of silence.

    “Not getting up,” Alex murmurs.

    “I guess this is just how life is now,” says John.

    And Eliza grins, buries her fingers in Alex’s hair, and says, “I guess it is.”

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos pay my bills. thanks to john for the title. chat to me at [alexangery.tumblr.com](http://alexangery.tumblr.com)


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